A Gray Day Happened

A gray day happened today, fortunately, it was just the sky. Chilly damp air and gray sky, I think I’d rather have rain. But we don’t order weather like pizza (God forbid if one day man has that kind of power!). No, we may see it coming on a Doppler screen, but that’s about it. Sure, if it were a flood or tornado or something disastrous we might prepare, but this? This is only winter/Christmas break blahs, multiplied since the children drove to another state. But what if it were more than the weather? What if it was life’s gray, a dreaded “depression?” I’m not talking economics, I’m talking emotionally. What is a Christian to do?

Right off the bat I’m not claiming to give medical advice or anything like that. I’m not even claiming to be a faith healer, though I know God can and does heal. If we're sick James tells us to call the elders, confess sin, anoint with oil, and the prayer of faith will heal the sick, and it does! But, it is not a guarantee and read about Job or Paul if you think believers don’t have bad things happen to them. I rains on the just and unjust, life happens!

The regular Christian things we do keep doing; especially when feeling down. You know pray and read your bible. Yep, that’s talking to and listening to God. That’s not to limit God and say He can’t communicate to us in some other way, but this is the primary way. However, if you're like me, I need Jesus with hands and feet. That means fellowship is in order. Not with the world, and not even with Christians doing common stuff—secular things—though simple relaxation is fine, it’s just not all of what is needed at those depressed moments. No in moments when I’m this low, I need a brother in Christ to talk to who knows and understands me; these are rare gems. I hope you have one. The absolute worst thing you can do if you are suffering in or from depression is to isolate and shut down. I know because living with chronic pain has brought me there over and over again.

In these times when I've had to look up to see the bottom, I tried isolation and shutting down. This makes life seem hardly worth the time. I had one of those moments a while back. About two years ago, I walked down my dark curvy road one night. I was taking a moonlight walk for my little Rusty dog to do his business and for me to get some exercise, which helps with pain and mood. Our road is quiet, in the country, and has a dead end on it. Traffic, if any is light and you can hear cars coming from a long ways away. Sometimes though, I wear headphones to listen to music and even then I can still see the headlights coming from the cars.

This particular night stands out though I've walked that same road many times. I was under my shoe looking up kind of depressed that night. And, honestly I just wanted to go home—I’m talkin'  heaven. I believe suicide is absolutely wrong and never consider it an option, human life is God’s prerogative. But, honestly I didn't care if I died, in fact I oft’ hoped to. Feeling like this set my nights stage.

In just short while Rusty and I approached the first curve. I, like always, walked toward oncoming traffic, to see them of course! I heard a car and saw the lights. We went to the opposite side. A car was speeding, which makes me mad on our, no my road! (Though I’m guilty of this too when in a hurry.) I had crossed well over on the opposite side for the car to pass freely, but that wasn't enough! In a fraction of a second these events were taking place. I had moved only a few feet pasted the white line, into supposed safety. Then the car came across the line. In a millisecond I angered and stood my ground! Would I finally get my chance to see Jesus, like this? No, of course not I’m writing this. Still, with that car inches away, though angry, I wanted to go home!

Why am I writing this, mostly for me? Perhaps it is only for me to let the words escape my thoughts. Perhaps it’s only because I walked that same road tonight, with Rusty no less and did it safely. But, perhaps as you and I know happens, God wishes to let someone know He’s still there and He sees you where you’re at. And, He loves you right there.

David in the bible went through these emotional roller coasters his whole life. Where they simply in his mind or reactions to painful circumstances, I don’t know. I know he learned to trust God enough to kill lions, bears, Goliath, Philistines by the boat load, and other enemies of God. But, David—the LORD’s anointed—had to run for his life multiple times, he hides in caves, and still in doing so had to fight with emotions that overwhelmed.

How did David deal with this pressure? He wrote and sang songs, new songs to our Lord. And we have their benefit of hindsight. Over and over David would be despondent about something. He would lay his complaint out to the Lord. Then He would begin to praise God for His attributes and would end in jubilant worship.

Here are a couple examples, one from David and one other Psalmist. These are perhaps the most obvious, many more are there too. God knew we needed to know what to do with emotions, Psalms provides examples.

Psalm 42 NIV

                                                                                             

As the deer pants for streams of water,
    so my soul pants for you, O God.
² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
    When can I go and meet with God?
³ My tears have been my food
    day and night,
while men say to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”
⁴ These things I remember
    as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go with the multitude,
    leading the procession to the house of God,
with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
    among the festive throng.

⁵ Why are you downcast, O my soul?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and ⁶ my God.

My^[c] soul is downcast within me;
    therefore I will remember you
from the land of the Jordan,
    the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.
⁷ Deep calls to deep
    in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
    have swept over me.

⁸ By day the Lord directs his love,
    at night his song is with me—
    a prayer to the God of my life.

⁹ I say to God my Rock,
    “Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning,
    oppressed by the enemy?”
¹⁰ My bones suffer mortal agony
    as my foes taunt me,
saying to me all day long,
    “Where is your God?”

¹¹ Why are you downcast, O my soul?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

Psalm 55 NIV

Listen to my prayer, O God,
    do not ignore my plea;
²     hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught
³     at the voice of the enemy,
    at the stares of the wicked;
for they bring down suffering upon me
    and revile me in their anger.

⁴ My heart is in anguish within me;
    the terrors of death assail me.
⁵ Fear and trembling have beset me;
    horror has overwhelmed me.
⁶ I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
    I would fly away and be at rest—
⁷ I would flee far away
    and stay in the desert; Selah
⁸ I would hurry to my place of shelter,
    far from the tempest and storm.”

⁹ Confuse the wicked, O Lord, confound their speech,
    for I see violence and strife in the city.
¹⁰ Day and night they prowl about on its walls;
    malice and abuse are within it.
¹¹ Destructive forces are at work in the city;
    threats and lies never leave its streets.

¹² If an enemy were insulting me,
    I could endure it;
if a foe were raising himself against me,
    I could hide from him.
¹³ But it is you, a man like myself,
    my companion, my close friend,
¹⁴ with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
    as we walked with the throng at the house of God.

¹⁵ Let death take my enemies by surprise;
    let them go down alive to the grave,^[b]
    for evil finds lodging among them.

¹⁶ But I call to God,
    and the Lord saves me.
¹⁷ Evening, morning and noon
    I cry out in distress,
    and he hears my voice.
¹⁸ He ransoms me unharmed
    from the battle waged against me,
    even though many oppose me.
¹⁹ God, who is enthroned forever,
    will hear them and afflict them— Selah
men who never change their ways
    and have no fear of God.

²⁰ My companion attacks his friends;
    he violates his covenant.
²¹ His speech is smooth as butter,
    yet war is in his heart;
his words are more soothing than oil,
    yet they are drawn swords.

²² Cast your cares on the Lord
    and he will sustain you;
    he will never let the righteous fall.
²³ But you, O God, will bring down the wicked
    into the pit of corruption;
bloodthirsty and deceitful men
    will not live out half their days.

But as for me, I trust in you.